When you know in your heart that you’ve said something or done something to hurt someone unintentionally (or intentionally for that matter), you should apologize. Sometimes, we will even turn it around and place blame on the other person just so that we can justify our behavior. Don’t let your ego get in the way. Simply and sincerely say you’re sorry. Nine times out of ten, that’s all the other person really wants to hear.
So I googled sympathy vs. empathy vs. compassion to learn the differences of these three words, and the first site that came up was operationmeditation.com. Below is what was provided:
Sympathy – feeling sorry for another’s hurt
Sympathy is feeling sorry for another’s hurt or pain. There is some emotional distance with sympathy – you are not experiencing the pain for yourself, rather you are saying “Isn’t it sad that this person is having a bad time”. Sometimes sympathy can tip into pity, and that is where some caution is needed. Pity is an emotion that tends to dehumanize and belittle. Most people who have a disability or other challenges will despise being ‘pitied’ as pity strips away the rich reality of their human experience and leaves just the difficulty or disability on view. For a deeper relationship and understanding, empathy is needed.
Empathy – walking in another’s shoes
Empathy takes things a little deeper – it is the ability to experience for yourself some of the pain that the other person may be experiencing. It is an acknowledgement of our shared experience as humans and recognition that we all feel grief and loss and pain and fear. You do not need to have experienced exactly the same events as the person who is suffering but you do need to have the ability to really imagine how they must be feeling in their situation. Empathy is a vicarious experience – if your friend is feeling afraid, you too will experience a feeling of fear in your body; if they are sad, you too will feel sorrow. Feeling empathy is allowing yourself to become tuned into another person’s emotional experience. It takes courage to do this but if you have ever experienced real empathy from another when you have been hurting, you will know what a gift it can be.
Compassion – love in action
If empathy is the ability to really experience some of the feelings of pain that another person is feeling, then compassion is to translate that feeling into action. You understand that your friend is feeling worried and stressed with their aging relative in hospital, so you cook the family some dinners and take their children for an afternoon. True compassion reaches out to all people, no matter whether they are your friends or not, and even to all living creatures. It is the ability and willingness to stand alongside someone and to put their needs before your own. Living a compassionate life can be learned – it is not just something that some ‘extra-good’ people are born with. Changing habits takes persistence and practice but it is achievable through the right methods. Many of the worlds’ wisest people have stated that giving to others in life is the source of the greatest contentment and life satisfaction, so there are many personal benefits to be gained as well.
We have all unintentionally hurt someone who put their trust in us. In order to restore the relationship, you have to apologize to the other person. True leaders acknowledge or “own” their mistakes. Below are key components for making an effective, sincere apology:
- Respectfully admit you messed up.
- Take responsibility for your behavior or actions.
- Express remorse and say you are truly sorry.
- Ask what you can do (or offer) to make things right.
- Promise that it will not happen again.
- Make amends.
What NOT to do:
- Make excuses or rationalize your behavior.
- Downplay the situation by saying for example, “It was just a joke!”
- Turn it around and start blaming/criticizing the victim.
- Change the subject.