separation | deborah parise

“Love is a state of Being. Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you. It is not dependent on some other body, some external form. In the stillness of your presence, you can feel your own formless and timeless reality as the unmanifested life that animates your physical form. You can then feel the same life deep within every other human and every other creature. You look beyond the veil of form and separation. This is the realization of oneness. This is love.

The reason why the romantic love relationship is such an intense and universally sought-after experience is that it seems to offer liberation from a deep-seated state of fear, need, lack, and incompleteness that is part of the human condition in its unredeemed and unenlightened state. There is a physical as well as a psychological dimension to this state.

The moment that judgment stops through acceptance of what is, you are free of the mind. You have made room for love, for joy, for peace. First you stop judging yourself; then you stop judging your partner. The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is, without needing to judge or change them in any way. That immediately takes you beyond ego. All mind games and all addictive clinging are then over. There are no victims and no perpetrators anymore, no accuser and accused. This is also the end of all codependency, of being drawn into somebody else’s unconscious pattern and thereby enabling it to continue. You will then either separate – in love – or move ever more deeply into the Now together – into Being.” – Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

It can be difficult to say goodbye to loved ones who have passed, to relationships that didn’t work out, to children going off to college, to sons or daughters moving out of the house/getting married, to active military personnel leaving to serve their country, close friends or relatives who are moving far away, etc. How do we deal with these types of situations when these people have been part of our lives for many years? We have to remember that death is imminent, and in most other cases, people are actually making these choices for themselves. It is natural to experience separation anxiety at first, but we have to learn to let go and become unattached to people. We can remember the good times we shared and wish them well in their new endeavors. People come in and out of our lives for specific reasons, and no matter what, we have to let them be FREE. It should be comforting to know that everything is as it should be. When we change, so will our circle of influence (people we associate with in life). Life comes full circle and we may cross paths again. To overcome sadness and grief, reach out to God and ask for strength and courage. God is always there for us and always will be.